Headline Feb16, 2013




A blizzard of 'polite notices' maybe the True Signs of the times! To a fair and astute observer, all this leads only to ill-mannered actions. I dare say anything about the developing world? That would need many volumes. I stand agog! My head lowered in utter shame!! Maybe, shame on me!!  So,so,  Maybe this as good a time as any to issue a huge  - courtesy call.
I quickly get out of the way, as this one master cynic and writer hurls all his javelins:

A horse faced woman who smelled strongly of sour cream and onion flavor Pringles was sitting in front of me with her ugly husband on the plane back from Bucharest recently. It was a full flight, every seat taken, cattle-class only (hahaha!) Just as we leveled off she brought the back of her seat to within a quarter of an inch of my nose, knocking everything off my tray. Then she crammed some headphones over her huge, damp ears,took out a rubbish novel and settled back for two-and-a-half-hour flight, unconcerned at the acute discomfort she was causing!!

She was the only passenger on the plane discourteous enough to move her seat back: most people know it isn't really done, and the new planes they are bringing in recognize this fact by having seats that do not recline at all. My son, who was sitting across the aisle, giggling at all this urged me to give her a poke on the head, or better still, stick some of my used Nicorette chewing gum in her hair. But all I did was slam my tray up against her back as hard and as often as possible, or a couple of times stealthily force the top of her seat forward and then -during turbulence-  let it go suddenly, in the hope that she'd break her stupid neck (hahaha!)

She remained apparently oblivious, though. I could have moved my own chair back, of course, but that would have imposed an unnecessary discomfort on the gently snoozing chap behind me, so out of principle I didn't. Also, he'd have moved his seat back and then all down the plane a domino effect would have occurred, until you reached the exits where the poor souls wouldn't be able to move at all and would end up cramped and miserable. Not that this would have bothered Mrs Sherger. I just hoped that God was watching and had done something wicked with her in the long-stay car park, like smashed in its windows or put enriched uranium in the petrol tank. Cow. Hahaha!

At least she made me think, though, as I sat with my noise pressed up against her noisome scalp. She seemed typical a growing minority of people in the world for whom behavior is not ''bad'' unless it is demarcated so by someone in stupid authority.

Shoving your seat back into someone's face on a plane is permitted, and so she does it, regardless of the imposition upon some hapless fellow passenger: if a notice flashed up saying,''Put your seat upright, you selfish, horse-faced slag,'' then she would do so immediately, I would reckon.

But because nobody has told her not to do it, she does it, as if her actions have no consequences for others if they are not actually.  She is to blame for that profusion of notices on Tube politely requesting that passengers do the bleeding obvious. Buy a ticket before travelling; stand on the right hand side of the escalator; wait until people get off before getting on the bus or train; move down the platform when the middle bit is crowded; don't play James Blunt on your iPod too loudly in case your fellow passengers are physically sick etc. Only a cretin, you would think, would know all this stuff already- and then you meet Mrs Shergar and realize that things are not quiet so simple and straightforward as they seem.

Brilliant work! Brilliant work. So don't miss the delightful that follows!!

With respectful dedication to the Great Nation and Students of Denmark!!

Good Night & God Bless!

SAM Daily Times - the Voice of the Voiceless


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