MOTHER DYING MOSAiC : {Q} HEAVENS ETHICIST

' The Ethicist Tap ' : My mother is in her late 70s and has metastatic cancer. My father died 15 years ago, and she lives alone across the country but remains independent.

Her doctor estimates she has two or three years, though she could have less or much more - some parents live 10 years with metastatic cancer. Since her diagnosis, she has leaned into the more challenging aspects of her demanding personality.

She now feels entitled to make demands that my sibling and I must accept because her time is limited.

She wants to spend every holiday together and take big family trips. Next summer, for example, she wants my siblings and me, along with our partners and our children, to take an expensive vacation together for a week or two.

I have a young family, and while my husband and I are comfortable, we have limited means and time off and can generally take only one big vacation a year.

Traveling with my mother is difficult and often ends in quarrels or tears. In short, it's not fun. Before her diagnosis, we began to set clearer boundaries with my family, with whom we have a strained relationship, and started spending some holidays on our own.

In response, my mother and siblings have branded us the '' bad guys '' for abandoning her.  

I love my mother and have worked hard to remain close to her, but guilt has plagued our relationship. I am devastated by her prognosis and want to spend meaningful time with her -and I do - but the prospect of saying yes to every holiday, vacation and family gathering is daunting.

I could be saying yes for two years or 10, sometimes at the expense of my nuclear family's needs.

Trips we want to take will have to be put on hold, and our desire to spend holidays apart from my family ignored.

I don't want to say no to everything, but I would like that option sometimes.

My siblings say I'm wrong. What can I do? 

Am I a terrible daughter for saying no to my dying mother?

{ Name Withheld ]