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''' '' SIBLING -!WOW!-
WARS- SPECIAL '' '''
FIGURE OUT WHAT SETS THEM OFF : ''Pay attention to what tends to happen before conflict breaks out,'' said Sally Beville Hunter, a clinical associate professor in child and family studies at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville.
If your children fight every time they play video games, for example, make sure you're in earshot while they sit down to play. Listen for the particular words or tones of voice they are using that are conclusive and try to intervene before it escalates.
MY 4- AND 8-YEAR-OLD ARE CLOSER NOW THAN they were before the pandemic -I hear the sounds of giggling wafting from their bedroom several times a night. But the more time my girls spend together, the more they fight, too.
On days, we are trapped in the house and their screaming matches reach operatic levels, their dad and I worry we did something horribly wrong as parents to encourage this volume of strife.
But according to Jeanine Vivona, a professor of psychology at the College of New Jersey who has studied sibling rivalry, ''competitions with siblings is just a fact of life. And we, as people with siblings and people with children, can just try to manage it as best we can.''
Observational studies have shown that sibling conflict may happen up to eight times an hours. Other research finds that pairs of sisters tend to be the closest, and that sibling dyads that include a brother have the most conflict.
''Conflict does decrease into adolescence; it sort of levels off,'' said Mark Ethan Feinberg, a research professor of health and human development at Pennsylvania State University. ''Early and middle childhood are particularly difficult times for sibling aggression.''
As a study that Feinberg co-authored notes, the book of Genesis, which includes the ''founding stories of the Western psyche,'' is dripping with tales of murderous and covetous siblings, like Cain and Abel and Jacob and Esau.
And these stories unfurl ''themes researchers are exploring today dastardly deeds, conflicts over parental love and resources and triangulation of children with parental conflicts.''
Sibling rivalry is so profound that hundreds of years ago, when the child mortality was much higher, children under 5 with close-in-age siblings were more likely to die.
These deaths were most likely ''related to increased prevalence of childhood infectious disease in such households, and lower levels of maternal nutrition, and perhaps more general competition for parental attention,'' said Sarah Walters, an associate professor of demography at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine and an author of study on siblings and mortality clustering in 19th-century Belgium.
While most siblings aren't fighting for actual scraps, psychologically, siblings rivalry serves a developmental purpose :
It helps children figure out what is unique and special about themselves, otherwise known as ''differentiation.''
Children want to be seen special by their parents, so they're ''always going to push for preferential treatment'' over their siblings, Dr. Vivonia said. But they may also shape their interests and personalities around their siblings skills and desires.
For example, let's say the older son is a soccer star. The younger child or children may then avoid soccer altogether, either because they're afraid they won't be as good as or they fear they might be better - and they don't want to take that risk either, Dr. Vivona said.
Or perhaps they both end up on the soccer team, but the older one is the serious hard worker, and the younger one tries to establish himself as the team jester.
HELP THEM LEARN TO RESOLVE CONFLICT : Once tempers have settled try to sit your kids down and discuss the problems ''without blaming or accusing,'' Dr. Feinberg advised. Give each child a chance to talk, uninterrupted and have them try to come come up with solution to the problem themselves.
By the time kids are elementary school age, they can ''evaluate which of these solutions are win-win solutions and which are most likely to work and satisfy each other over time,'' he said. They should also revisit problems when solutions are not working.
The Honour and Serving of the Latest Global Operational Research on Siblings & Rivalry, continues. The World Students Society thanks author Jessica Grose.
With respectful dedication to Parents, Siblings, Students, Professors and Teachers of the world. See Ya all prepare and register for Great Global Elections on The World Students Society : wssciw.blogspot.com and Twitter - !E-WOW! - The Ecosystem 2011 :
''' Fights - Fervor '''
Good Night and God Bless
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