Headline, December08, 2013

''' THE REVENGE OF THESE DAMN 

STEREOTYPE​S '''

The op-ed writers are wont to criticize warhawk politicians by comparing  them to John Wayne, but no one really believes that Hondo affects policy; it's just a shorthand way to describe something we already understand.

But European intellectuals use cowboy culture to understand American sociology, and that's a specious relationship   -even during moments when it almost makes sense. As it turns out, Germans care about cowboys way more than Americans do.

A sardonic German teenager told me what she thought the phrase ''the American dream''  meant: ''I assume it means watching Baywatch twenty-four hours a day''. She was (sort of) joking, but I've heard similar sentiments in every foreign country I've visited. There is a widespread belief that Americans spend most of their lives watching Baywatch and MTV.

But what's interesting about this girl's insight was her reasoning. She thinks Americans love Baywatch because Joey Tribbiani on Friends loved Baywatch. And this does not mean she viewed Friends  as an accurate reflection of life, nor does it suggest that she saw Matt LeBlanc as a tragic spokesman for the American working class.

This was just one random detail she remembered about the American TV show she barely watched. She didn't care about this detail, and neither do we.

As I rode the train from Munich to Dresden to Hamburg, I started jotting down anything I noticed that could prompt me to project larger truths about Germany. An abbreviated version is as follows:

1. The water here is less refreshing than American water.

2.  Instead of laughing, people tend to say, ''That is funny.''

3.  Most of the rural fields are plowed catawampus.

4.  Late-night TV broadcasts are inordinate amount Caucasian boxing.

5.  No matter how much they drink, nobody here acts drunk.

6.  Germans remain fixed on the divide between ''high culture,'' and ''low      culture'' and term  ''popular culture'' is pejorative.

7.  Prostitution is legal and prominent.

8.  When addressing customers, waiters and waitresses sometimes hold      their hands behind their backs, military style.

9.  It's normal to sit in the front seat of a taxi, even if you are the only            customer. 

I SUPPOSE I COULD use these details to extrapolate various ideas about life in Germany. I suppose I could create allegorical value for many of these factoids, and some of my conclusions might prove true. But Iam choosing not to do this. Because  -now- I can't help but recognize all the things Americans do that a) have no real significance, yet b) define the perception of our nature.

While I was in Frankfurt, Ohio State played Michigan in football. I managed to find one of the only bars in town where this game was televised, and I watched it with two superdrunk businessmen from Detroit I'd never met before   -and I'll never see again. Every time Michigan scored, one of them would march out and yell:

''Go Blue! Go Blue!'' into the dark of the Frankfurt night.

I have no idea why he kept doing this. I don't think he did, either. It might have been just to amuse his companion. But  I could tell that every German in the bar was viewing his aggressive, unbridled enthusiasm, as normative American behavior. This man is all they will ever know about life in Michigan.

The next day, I was in an Irish-themed pub, and I met an Australian who was working for the king of Bahrain. He had been drinking and watching Rugby all afternoon, and he kept repeating the same phrase over and over again:  ''You can't buy class.''   He also told me that the king of Bahrain is forty-nine years old, but that the crown prince of Bahrain is forty-eight. This seemed mathematically impossible, so I asked him how such a relationship could exist.

''You can't buy class,'' he said in response. So this all i know about life in Bahrain.

When I returned from my tour, many people asked me what Germany was like. I said I had no idea. ''But weren't you just there?'' they inevitably asked.

''Yes,'' I told them. ''I was just there. And I don't know what's it like at all.''

With respectful dedication to all the world. See ya all on !WOW!  the World Students Society Computers-Internet-Wireless:

''' Offering World Class '''

Good Night & God Bless!

SAM Daily Times - the Voice of the Voiceless