Headline July 18th, 2012 / "The Law Of Toady Inevitabilty!"

"The Law Of Toady Inevitabilty!"

Behold the toady: ubiquitous, sly, infinitely sensitive, able to change colours with a speed that would make a chameleon blush, as malleable and useless as Silly Putty, Universally loathed yet capable of thriving under conditions that destroy more admirable souls. Study the Toady well!

 Look around you and identify this creature of bad and foul odor, with a lugubrious history that goes back as far as the the most Rudimentary power structures. Can there be any doubt that every Stone Age tribe had at least one self-aggrandizer who grunted and leapt in admiration every time the chief broke wind??

The term ''Toady'' itself dates back to 1600s, when it was used to describe charlatans. Flunkies who, in order to prove the curative powers of their bosses, pretended to eat Toads thought to be poisonous. Clearly, popping a Toad in one's mouth, or even pretending to, was not a job for someone with a lot of respect.

Thus, the very first Toadies established the Toady code: There is nothing, no matter how unappetizing or demeaning, a Toady won't do to make the top man happy. That tenet remains as solid now as it was on the day that some medieval sniveler smacked his lips and declared, " Zounds, O great and magnificent wizard, thou hast the tastiest Toads in the land, Sire! 

And many Great Harvests for you O profound Leader of the Universe!'' So Toadyspeak is another way lackeys give themselves away. Without a flicker of irony, a Toady will refer to the Big Guy , el jefe, the Man, Top Gun. A Toady will elect himself a sidekick with or without the portfolio of the boss, and much of his conversation will be devouted to bossily concerns, ' I really don't think the Big Guy's gonna go for humour in sales presentation.' ''I'd be careful with those big lunches, pal --the Chief really frowns on that kind of a thing.'' And some forth. 

When a toady offers friendship, it is almost always based on the idea that closeness to him is closeness

to the boss, and his idea of a favour usually has to do with imparting some secret that will help you curry favour he already enjoys. 

A woman on the rise at a major publishing house, on receiving a summon to an audience with the top man the next day, was visited by the office Toady, who leaned close, looked left and then right and said, ' Make sure to wear a dress. And for God's sake, don't wear yellow. Mr D. Hates yellow.

She now continues up the ladder at another company. The lesson here is that Toadies are rarely wrong about the foibles of rich and powerful! With many thanks to !WOW! For identifying for your life and work, your real true Villain. Give it a deafening hand, will Ya!

Good night and God bless!

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